A Natural Response in Crisis or Rejoicing
By Elaine Helms
“I’m just not sure what God wants me to say to this group,” I confessed as my husband and I drove to a small church on the other side of our city.
Joel immediately prayed, “Lord, You know what this church needs to hear and what You want Elaine to say to them. Please give her the right words when she needs them.” My anxiety turned to calmness when I heard my husband praying so naturally for me in my time of need. And as I stood before the congregation God graciously made me aware that He was the One speaking through me that evening. As we left the church, Joel said to me, “I didn’t realize you knew that much Scripture.”
I laughed and said, “I didn’t either!”
It was a natural response for my husband to pray for me, because we pray together every day. God has used and continues to use Joel’s consistent praying with and for me to encourage my walk with Him.
Models of Praying Together
When I was a teenager, during a Sunday evening church service, a family I knew well was invited to come up on the platform to demonstrate how they did their family devotions. It was a dad, mom, a daughter about seven, and a son about five. The dad took the lead as they sat in little chairs around a child-size table. He began by telling a Bible story that included a child character, then he read a verse or two from the Bible. He asked questions of his children, and they and their mom all gave answers. Little Tommy was a wiggler, so they did not make the devotion time long. The father then completed the demonstration by modeling prayer.
That made an impact on me then because I was dreaming of being married one day with children of my own. Seeing a family devotion and prayer time modeled helped many young couples in our church begin that new practice. And I believe many men today will step out with confidence to lead their families if they see it modeled or hear it proposed in a positive light.
One of my favorite memories of my parents reading the Bible together was when I would come in from a date and sit on the end of their bed to tell them about my evening. I would find them both propped up with pillows behind their backs with their Bibles in their laps. They greeted me with interest.
My story would trigger memories of their dating days, and they would tell funny stories that often helped me keep my own situation in perspective. In many ways I enjoyed the debriefings as much as the dates themselves because I loved laughing with my parents and hearing about their lives when they were growing up. I could relate to them and felt they understood all the new emotions I was facing. They were modeling Deuteronomy 6:7 for me: “Impress [my commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” I saw how a married couple kept God a part of the conversation in every aspect of daily life—and that included reading God’s Word and praying together.
Benefits of Praying Together
One benefit of praying together as a habit includes the ease of going immediately to prayer when an emergency occurs. It is a natural first response for a couple or family that normally prays together, to join hands and pray when the crisis happens. Trust develops between those who pray together. In the same way, we can talk to our Father in intimate terms because we truly know Him and trust Him.
Jesus promised that “in this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33), and as a couple we have had our share. But because Joel and I are comfortable praying together, we can turn to each other and cry out to God in one accord. Only God knows what we will face each day, and only God can give us the grace and strength we need for perilous times. What God said to Paul, He says to us, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Cor. 12:9).
Another benefit of praying together regularly is that, in times of celebration, we more readily join hands and give God the glory for the great things He has done. “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;” the psalmist says, “give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations” (Ps. 100:4–5).
Whether it is a normal day, a happy occasion, or a solemn situation, we need God to welcome us into His presence. And He will! His Word says, “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings. . . . for he who promised is faithful” (Heb. 10:22–23).
Seeking God’s Guidance Together
Most Christians will agree that having a quiet time alone with God is vital to our spiritual growth and discipleship. It is equally important to establish a time to read the Bible and pray with one’s spouse.
We know that God established marriage and wants it to succeed. Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:6). While it is not always easy to blend two lives into one, God knows what is right for us and is willing to share that wisdom with us.
He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” (Jer. 33:3). We can ask God for wisdom and know that He will direct our steps. There is anticipation in seeking God together for decisions to be made as a couple—even in establishing a regular time to talk with Him.
Prioritizing Prayer Together
Have you thought, We don’t have time to pray together? In reality, we have all the time we need to do the things that are important and that God has assigned to us—our life purpose. How we spend our time reveals what we think is important.
I heard a Christian college student, jolted by the accidental death of a Christian friend, ask, “How could I not make time for the Maker of time?”
God says in Ephesians 5:15–16, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” Spouses who pray together have built-in accountability to stay on track with living out God’s purposes for them.
Ask God to help you determine when and how often it is reasonable to expect that you both will faithfully come together, without stress, to just be together with Him in prayer. Make a list of all activities currently on your schedule or in your habit pattern. How does each of them enable or impede your life purpose?
There are many factors to consider, including work schedules and children’s needs. When are you the most alert—in the morning or early evening? Newly married couples may seem to have more leeway in establishing a regular time to pray, but it can be done at any stage of life if the desire to do it is there. When will you pray together? Will it tie in with a meal?
Joel and I have been reading the Bible together and praying every morning before or after breakfast for as long as we can remember. It is a blessing and foundational for our relationship. I think we chose breakfast time because we are not likely to forget to eat! We both like breakfast, and praying together sets the tone for each day. Consider the personalities of each of you and find your best time to meet together with your Lord.
Deciding on Your Focus Together
What will be the focus of your prayer time together? In our prayer times together, Joel and I read a short passage of Scripture and then ask a few questions to draw each other into discussion. Some examples of questions you might ask include these:
- What is God saying in this passage?
- What sins does this passage encourage you to confess and forsake?
- How did reading this passage help you with accountability to each other?
- How can we pray together according to the principles in this passage?
Investigate available resources and then choose a focus to begin reading the Bible and praying together. God will help you find your rhythm as you spend time together as a couple with Him. The following prayer prompts are a springboard for other ways you can pray for your spouse.
How to pray for your wife
- Thank God for your wife and ask Him to help you be the husband she needs (Prov. 18:22).
- Pray for your wife to be all that God calls her to be (Prov. 31:10–31).
- Pray for your wife to be content with her calling as your wife and the mother of your children if you have children (Phil. 4:10–13).
- Pray for your wife to know how very special she is to God and how much you love her (Jer. 31:3; Eph. 5:25–30).
- Pray for your wife to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him and bear eternal fruit (Col. 1:9–12).
How to pray for your husband
- Pray for your husband to “fight the good fight” for Christ and to be strong against any opposition (2 Tim. 4:7–8).
- Pray that his words will be acceptable in God’s sight. Ask God to give your husband the right words today as he encounters each task of his day (Ps. 19:14).
- Thank God for a husband who trusts in God. Pray for him to rest in God’s omnipotent hands, knowing God is in control (Heb. 11:1–3, 6).
- Pray for your husband to be all that God calls him to be and that God will be glorified in every aspect of his life (2 Thess. 1:11–12).
- Ask God to help you be the wife your husband needs and help you to respect him (Eph. 5:22–24, 33).
Imagine what God will do when more and more Christian families draw near to Him, listen to Him, and obey in unity. If we, as couples, begin to model prayer and the love of God’s Word together, we will see the difference in our children—and in turn, in our churches and communities. We might just become, as Paul put it, “the sweet aroma of the knowledge of [Christ] in every place” (2 Cor. 2:14, NASB).
ELAINE HELMS is a speaker and teacher on prayer and an award-winning author of several books including Prayer without Limits: Expanding Your Relationship with God, published by New Hope Publishers (available at prayershop.org).
