When the Decision Isn’t Yours to Make
By Joan Sherman
Military life seems to be a series of big decisions followed by much smaller decisions. At age 16, our son Matt decided to explore the United States Marine Corps (like father, like son). Decisions made at that stage are investigative and the commitment level is low.
But soon enough, the stakes are high, and the commitment gets very real. At age 17, he decided to enlist in the Delayed Entry Program for the Marine Reserves. At 20, he decided to apply for (and was awarded) a Naval Reserve Officers Training Corps (NROTC) scholarship. At 23, he graduated from college and was commissioned the same day; eventually he was stationed at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina.
As a Marine, Matt consistently displays the tenacity and dedication that make a Marine, a Marine. Because of his unique path, he has the distinct honor of graduating from two boot camps (enlisted and officer). He graduated top in class in his Reserves specialty, oversaw millions of dollars’ worth of equipment, and was the solo officer within his specialty for a battalion of 900-plus Marines. He displays excellence at every turn.
At age 26, a big decision was before him: choose to “re-up” in the Marines or accept an honorable discharge and join the civilian sector.
As an officer, Matt makes many decisions all the time. The decision to “re-up” is a three-year commitment. If he makes that decision, the Marine Corps makes the next big decisions for him: where he will live, the work he will do, and more.
Weighing Options
Matt systematically weighed the options; it seemed he had compelling reasons to stay and equally compelling reasons to leave.
I didn’t know what he should do, but I did know this: it was fully his decision. He’s an adult and an officer, capable of making good decisions, and he alone would live with the consequences of this one.
Part of Matt’s decision-making process included talking to his Marine father, his Marine brother, fellow Marines, and other connections God put before him. God’s Word says that’s wise:
- “. . . let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance”(Prov. 1:5).
- “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice” (Prov. 12:15).
Matt initiated several phone calls with my husband Dean and me where he laid out his rationale for staying and for leaving. During those calls, I didn’t have much to say. It’s not that I don’t have opinions, but I simply do not know more about this decision than his father or the others he sought for counsel. I knew there were other sources of practical advice for him, and those voices would have greater knowledge and advice. They would weigh more heavily than mine, and that is right and good.
So, what was my role? I’m his mother. How could I support this important decision?
Up the Prayer
Of course, prayer. Dean and I learned early on that when you have a military son (or two), prayer becomes as natural as breathing. A “pray continually” kind of thing (1 Thess. 5:17). It’s so easy to watch what’s happening on the world stage and succumb to fear, but we know that’s not what God has for us. And so, we pray.
But this time, it felt different. Elevated. This is a big decision for Matt. His decision would affect the next three years of his life. This is not the civilian world where you can take a job, and then, if it’s not what you want or expect, you can look for something else and leave (the military frowns on that). The stakes were high.
What was the right choice? What did God want him to do? We know God knows the plans He has for Matt (Jer. 29:11)—and that’s what we all wanted.
The Lord showed me how Matt’s decision about whether to “re-up” was a direct call for me to “up” the prayer. As he (we) marched forward toward the decision deadline, we continued to pray for Matt. Thanks to Jesus’ blood-bought, perfect, righteous redemption in my life, I knew “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). “Storming the gates of heaven” was the work before me. I know it was the Holy Spirit stirring and leading me.
Being a Marine vet, Dean could offer prayer and practical advice. But prayer alone became my highest calling. God showed me that my faith in prayer was my “contribution” to Matt’s decision. I could take my hands off everything else. I could look up—and keep looking up. Fix my eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:2).
Perspective Flipped
To my surprise, God flipped my perspective from frenzied, desperate, hand-wringing prayer—“Oh, Father, please! Which path is right? What is Your will? What should he do? What do You have for my son?”—to an entirely different perspective.
Over time, I saw these two paths stretch out before my son in a new way. It was still an “either/or” decision, but suddenly, instead of one right way, I saw both choices leading to Matt’s challenge, opportunity, and growth in the Lord. Whether he stayed in the military or left, I chose to believe God was leading and guiding him forward in that decision, whatever it was.
I kept praying and believing and speaking forth the truth that “God will not let Matt choose wrongly.” I said it to Matt, to Dean, to my prayer groups, to anyone who would listen! It wasn’t a “name it and claim it”— it was truth, based on the authority of God’s Word, that He who began a good work in Matt would carry it right on through to completion (Phil. 1:6). God alone marks out our appointed times in history and boundaries (Acts 17:26), and He knew where Matt needed to be. Matt belonged to Him; I knew God held him in the palm of His mighty hand, and nothing could snatch Matt out of it (John 10:28–29).
And peace came. Sweet peace. The kind that only God can give (John 14:27). The kind that transcends all understanding (Phil. 4:7). A perfect peace (Isa. 26:3). On my refrigerator, a magnet reminds me: “The man who walks with God is always moving in the right direction.” Matt walks with God, so he is always moving in the right direction. We were seeking God for wisdom in the confidence of James 1:5, and God simply would not let Matt choose wrongly.
The prayer was still intense, but without the desperation of before.
Bringing it Home
When the deadline came, Matt decided to close out his military career. In the process of his decision to re-up, we looked up, upped the prayer, and the High and Holy One looked down on us with mercy and grace and led Matt forward. And God will continue to do so.
You may not have a military son, but you likely have an adult child, grandchild, friend, or neighbor in your life facing a big decision with potential long-term impact. A career change. A move. A decision to marry or to start a family. A health-related decision. A financial opportunity.
You’re on the outside, looking into this situation, but God has you where you are for a reason. And I think that reason is to pray.
The person making the decision may be praying about it (or he or she may not be). Regardless, we have the blessing and privilege of knowing these truths:
- We don’t need to be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, we can present our requests to God (Phil. 4:6).
- We can ask, seek, knock (Matt. 7:7–8) on their behalf.
These things are true even if the decision itself is not ours. It seems the higher the stakes, the more essential the prayer. I know it might sound elementary, but the value and influence of prayer cannot be overestimated. Remember, your faith in prayer just might be your contribution to their right decision.
Is someone dear to you facing a big decision? Look up, and up the prayer.
JOAN SHERMAN is a freelance editor from Plymouth, MN, and serves as an editorial assistant for Prayer Connect magazine.
