Discover Your Prayer Personality

When You Don’t Pray Like Everyone Else

By Pierre Eade and Dawn Metzger

Have you noticed that people are wired to pray in various ways? One of the most vivid prayer meetings I (Pierre) ever attended took place in a church member’s house after the attacks on September 11, 2001. Gathered in the home were 15 to 20 people from our small congregation, all with the same agenda of praying about the tragedy that had afflicted our nation.

Yet I was struck by the different personalities of the people as they prayed. Everyone was there to pray about the same topic, but each had a different flavor. Some were praying with great compassion and mercy. Tears filled their eyes—in some cases streamed down their faces. Others prayed with great authority and power, asking for God’s justice and intervention. Still others petitioned the Lord in silence but with sincerity.

Recently, I (Dawn) received an email from a friend who suffers from an ailment that usually requires a long recuperation. She asked several other praying friends and me for prayer as she visited her doctor. As we often do, some of us emailed prayers for our friend via Reply All so we could agree together on her behalf. I prayed comfort for her, reminding her she is in the “palm of God’s almighty hand.” Another praying friend asked God to bring the affected organs of our ailing friend’s body into alignment with God’s authority for “complete and total restoration and function.”

Two very different prayers for the same individual, yet both served to benefit her whole person. Throughout Scripture we find various prayer personalities. Men and women with hearts for the same God were created with varying temperaments—and styles of prayer. Characters from both the Old and New Testaments demonstrate the way their God-given personalities shaped their prayers and the way God uses all our prayers.

Nehemiah

Nehemiah had been a cupbearer to King Artaxerxes of Susa. But after Israel’s exile in Babylon God called him to lead the rebuilding of Jerusalem. Nehemiah’s name means “comforted by Jehovah,” and he would certainly need comfort where God called him to serve.

A man strong in his faith, Nehemiah knew what he believed, why he believed it, and what God wanted him to do about it! Although he may have had a tough exterior at times, his heart—sensitive to God and His people—can be seen in his prayers.

Nehemiah’s prayer in the first chapter of the book by his name reveals much about his character. In this passage, we see that he wept, mourned, fasted, and prayed (Neh. 1:4). Out of the depths of his heart gushed a mournful cry to God because of the decrepit condition of Jerusalem—the representation of God’s covenant blessing. He prayed the way he spoke—clear, straightforward, and unembellished.

Nehemiah was also known to pray direct prayers petitioning God’s help. “Hear us, our God, for we are despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads. Give them over as plunder in a land of captivity” (Neh. 4:4). And he petitioned the Lord with this one-liner: “Now strengthen my hands” (Neh. 6:9).

His prayers serve as an excellent example of dedicated cries of repentance, intercession for his brethren, zealous protection of God’s reputation, and plainly spoken entreaties to God against the strategies of the enemy.

If Nehemiah were to join your church’s prayer meeting today, his presence would undoubtedly challenge others to call upon God with a greater sense of urgency and desperation.

David

King David is another example of an Old Testament leader with a distinct prayer style. As an individual and as a leader, David was unique both in his style of leadership and his method of communicating with Jehovah.

David prayed with great emotion. His prayer journal recorded in the Psalms is legendary. He was a heartfelt and passionate man with musical talents, and he had a burden both for God and people. God Himself referred to David as “a man after his own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14).

The way David prayed directly reflected the circumstances he was going through. We can feel his raw emotions: love, fear, anxiety, depression, hope, joy, faith, confidence, anger, and even confusion. David prayed no matter how he felt! Whether elated with joy or defeated by personal sin or the enemies’ schemes, David’s faith permitted God’s truth to anchor him to eternal realities. Through David’s example, we learn to pray at all times and in every situation. God is there—“an ever-present help” (Ps. 46:1).

If David were to join our prayer meeting today, it’s likely that his prayers would be chock-full of emotions. He may begin weeping, calling out to God in desperation, or breaking out in unfettered and spontaneous songs of praise. David’s emotions might stretch the stoic and inspire the emotionally transparent.

Mary

God sent the angel Gabriel to deliver the news to Mary of her soon-coming pregnancy with Jesus. Talk about a shocker! Mary sincerely asked how this could take place since she had never known a man. Gabriel explained that the Holy Spirit would come upon her. He also said that Elizabeth would conceive a son in her old age. “For nothing is impossible with God,” the angel said (Luke 1:37, NLT). With confidence and trust, Mary replied, “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38).

In this early stage of the gospel story, we get a clear glimpse of Mary’s submissive and subservient nature. Soon afterward, she has an encounter and conversation with Elizabeth, and Elizabeth’s baby leaps in her womb. Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit, begins to proclaim the blessedness of Mary. In awe and wonder, Mary responds in a praise song to God. In that prayer, we again hear words of a submissive and surrendered servant.

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed” (Luke 1:46–48).

About 30 years later Mary is enjoying herself at a wedding reception when news reaches her that the wine supply has dried up. Seeking to save the bride and groom from an embarrassing social blunder, Mary shares the message with her son Jesus. Jesus chooses to acquiesce to His blessed mom’s request, and she tells the servants, “Do whatever he tells you to do” (John 2:5).

This servant-hearted woman of God knew what it meant to do what the boss says! If the gospel narratives were to take place today, my guess is you’d find Mary singing songs like “I Surrender All.” We can picture Mary singing out, “All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give.”

Paul

If you had to choose one word to describe the personality of the Apostle Paul, what word would you pick? Our guess is that most people would choose zealous, bold, confident, forthright, or courageous. All of these characterizations accurately describe the great apostle. Yet, one word characterizes an entirely different side of Paul and his prayer life. The word is thankful.

Struck by the power of God at his Damascus Road conversion, the Apostle Paul overflowed with thankfulness for the grace and mercy of our Lord. His writings express his deeply embedded gratitude for God’s work in his life as well as the life of God’s people. Paul’s grateful personality overflowed naturally into his prayer life.

In apostolic fashion Paul was constantly giving thanks for the growing faith and love found in God’s Church.

• Paul gave thanks in prayer for the faith of the church in Rome (Rom. 1:8–9).
• He was grateful to God for the grace extended to the church in Corinth and the way they were enriched in every way (1 Cor. 1:4).
• He couldn’t stop giving thanks in prayer for the church in Ephesus (Eph. 1:16).
• He gave thanks for the church of Philippi and their partnership in the gospel (Phil. 1:3).
• He continually gave thanks for the church in Colosse (Col. 1:3).
• The church of the Thessalonians made Paul grateful for their receptivity to the message of God’s Word and their growing faith and love (1 Thess. 2:13; 2 Thess. 1:3).
• Paul was convinced that thanksgiving was appropriate at all times—and was in fact the will of God (1 Thess. 5:18).

Without doubt, if you found yourself in a prayer meeting with this spiritual giant, you would hear praise and thanks coming from his mouth regardless of circumstances. Just ask Silas (Acts 16:25, NASB).

Being Yourself Before God

The most comforting truth about the variety of prayer personalities in the Bible is simply this—you can be yourself in prayer before God! God does not expect you to pray like Nehemiah, David, Mary, or Paul. He expects you to pray out of the unique and wonderful personality He has given you.

If you are more emotional, then pray with great emotion. If you are quiet and reserved, do not feel intimidated or pressured to be loud and boisterous. Of course, God always wants us to grow deeper in our prayer life with Him and to stretch beyond our comfort zone, but He never tries to make us become like someone else.

Prayer personalities are analogous to spiritual gifts. You may have several gifts that God tends to manifest through your life most frequently. At the same time, God will use you in an area outside your (super)natural gift set to meet a need. Similarly, you may have a tendency to pray in a certain way, but under some circumstances you may feel compelled to pray differently as led by the Holy Spirit.

The next time you are in prayer with other believers, take note, as I (Pierre) did on 9/11, of the various prayer styles and personalities engaged in prayer. As you learn to appreciate the different styles you find in each person, you will begin to better appreciate the multifaceted personality of God and His creative genius to fearfully and wonderfully design every human being differently.

PIERRE EADE is pastor of outreach at The Crossing in Washington Crossing, PA, and the author of Born to Grow.

DAWN METZGER and her husband Jim attend The Crossing. She works alongside Pierre Eade as the leader of the prayer focus for outreach ministries.