Lessons from My Child’s Trust
By Stacey Pardoe
Little Bekah was two years old when a severe medical condition radically changed our lives. What started as a single outbreak of ulcers on her lips, tongue, and inner cheeks developed into a condition that recurred every four weeks, leaving our precious child unable to speak or eat for two weeks out of every month. For an entire year, we vacillated between relatively normal life for two weeks at a time and medical crisis mode for two weeks at a time.
We planned vacations and family outings around her ulcer outbreak schedule. We even scheduled the C-section birth of our second child around a week when she wouldn’t be in the midst of a severe outbreak. The pain of watching our child fight to swallow water and the struggle of learning to communicate without words were heartbreaking.
In the midst of our trial, we spent hours on our knees in prayer. We claimed promises, rebuked spirits, repented of sin in our own lives, praised God in the storm, and begged for relief for our child. Despite our desperation, the ulcers continued to return at the first of each month. The finest doctors had no answers, and the agony of watching her suffer was indescribable.
Throughout our journey, we were regularly reminded that God’s ways are not our ways (Is. 55:8). There were days when it seemed like God was absent. There were hard nights of angrily crying out to God.
Despite the pain of the journey, we were reminded of several reasons why God sometimes asks His children to wait for visible answers to our prayers. We wrestled with the following six statements for years. In the end, we emerged believing in the goodness of God.
In our journey, here are six reasons we discovered about how God sometimes waits to answer our prayers:
1. He is teaching us to trust in His goodness.
I’ll never forget the winter morning, curled up with Bekah on the couch, when we realized the ulcers were returning for the tenth time. She sipped chocolate milk from a straw and looked at me with faithful eyes, and said, “I don’t know why these ulcers are coming back, but I’m going to show God I still trust Him.” My eyes filled with tears. From the mouth of a three-year-old, I was reminded that trials are opportunities to trust that God is good, even when circumstances are anything but good. Regardless of the trial, God promises that He is always good (Ps. 145:9). He also promises that there will be trouble in this life (John 16:33). We shouldn’t be surprised when trouble comes, but we should cling to the One who will carry us through it.
2. He is drawing us deeper into relationship.
Walking through trials with my husband has brought us to a closer place of emotional intimacy because we’ve learned to rely on one another when life becomes difficult. In the same way, we often learn greater dependence on God when we draw near to Him in hard circumstances.
This doesn’t mean God orchestrates loss in our lives for the simple purpose of bringing us closer to His heart. It simply means God uses everything He permits. He calls us to deeper places of love and dependence through seasons of unanswered prayer.
I spent more sleepless nights crying out to God in the midst of Bekah’s condition than I do when life is relatively comfortable. I searched the Bible ravenously for truth to hold onto during the season of ulcers. I needed Him desperately, and I knew it. God used the season to teach me a deeper level of dependence.
3. He is building our faith.
Faith is hoping for and believing in what is unseen (Heb. 11:1). When we don’t see an answer to our prayers, it’s tempting to give up. Some people become offended at God, shaking their fists and turning from Him. Others quit praying, believing prayer doesn’t “work.”
Prayer is not simply a way of getting what we want; prayer is designed to lead us into deeper places with God by developing our relationship with Him.
Long stretches of unanswered prayer are like cinder blocks that build a strong foundation in our lives of faith. When we persist in prayer, refusing to give up despite external circumstances, we continue to add blocks to the foundation of our faith. Bekah’s comment about trusting God, despite the ulcers, was an indication of the faith He built in her through the hard experience. When we don’t turn our backs on God in seasons of unanswered prayer, our faith grows.
4. Our motives are wrong.
Our motives weren’t wrong when we prayed for our child’s healing. God is good, and He wants His children to live abundantly. However, sometimes our prayers go unanswered when our motives are wrong. Praying for a bigger house, better job, or nicer car could be for the glory of God—or it could be out of sinful covetousness. We should always consider our motives for praying the way we do.
After six months of ulcers, I finally shifted my focus. While I continued to pray for my child’s healing, I also began praying for the work God was doing in her life. She was claiming promises from Scripture, telling others that God was still good. She was allowing the Lord to transform her mind. As the fruit began to come forth, I was encouraged to keep pressing forward.
5. God’s timing is not our timing.
My husband and I longed to see our child thriving healthily and playing in the park with other children. We wanted these things immediately, and waiting for Bekah’s healing felt like a form of punishment. God wasn’t punishing us, but it felt like it.
What we couldn’t see was the work God was doing in Bekah’s heart as the months of suffering turned to years. He was teaching her to stand on the truth of His Word. He was giving a four-year-old a theology of suffering most people don’t acquire until well into adulthood. He was prompting her to ask hard questions and trust Him.
His timing in the healing wasn’t the same as ours. He allowed her to suffer so He could build character He would use to steer the course of her life. His ways simply are not our ways.
6. We don’t always know why God waits to answer.
Ultimately, I believe God could have taught Bekah to trust Him through less painful measures. I still grieve over the family holidays we missed, the zoo trips we cancelled, and the difficulty of months on a liquid diet. We don’t entirely know why God waited so long to heal our child. We only know the waiting was painful.
We don’t know why God doesn’t change the hearts of our loved ones who still haven’t softened to Him. We don’t know why terminal illness takes lives or why wayward spouses don’t repent. We don’t know why children turn from the Lord or why hardship threatens to destroy lives. We simply refuse to be offended, refuse to turn from God, and refuse to forsake our faith. We claim little Bekah’s faithful heart and commit to trust God, even when He doesn’t seem to answer.
Persist and Press In
Shortly after her fifth birthday, Bekah’s ulcer condition drastically improved. She still deals with a few ulcers every six months. But if we’d never walked through our trial, we might not even notice the occasional ulcers she now gets. God has healed her. For this, we are deeply grateful.
We have friends who continue to pray for their healing, their miracles, and their breakthroughs. We know healing doesn’t always come in this lifetime. Wherever you’re seeking God’s answers in your life today, it is my prayer that you will persist in prayer. May you not grow bitter or take offense. His love for you is tender and filled with compassion.
He is working, even where you cannot see Him. You can trust Him. Keep pressing into His heart.
STACEY PARDOE is a mentor, Bible study leader, and the prayer coordinator at Grove City, PA, Alliance Church. She is also a former special education teacher with a master’s degree in curriculum and instruction in education.
