By Ginny Kisling

“Lord I can’t do this any more! Send someone more qualified to be a prayer leader in our church!”

After a number of years into my prayer leadership role this had become a consistent theme in my prayers. The promise in Ps. 30:5 “Joy comes with the morning” seemed like an impossible promise even though it had always given me encouragement in the past. I wondered if that same promise of hope and renewed joy could possibly apply when breakthrough was no where in sight.

Despite much prayer and effort there was little evidence that the prayer climate was changing in our church. Our prayer group remained small, there was little interest in prayer gatherings and I was labeled a “prayer warrior.” The last thing I felt like was a prayer warrior. Though my passion was to mobilize people to pray I was still growing and learning about prayer myself. People began to see me as the one who carried the prayer burden for the church. “Prayer leader” and “carrying the prayer burden” somehow had become synonymous. Many times I just wanted to quit!

Our little prayer group was plowing week after week, month after month and year after year with very little to show for it (or so we thought). There were some changes along the way--but they seemed hardly noticeable against some of our dreams. We had been praying for a growing army of prayer warriors. We longed to see a growing hunger for prayer in our people. We dreamed of the day when prayer would be our first response rather than a last resort.

Our dreams for a successful prayer ministry loomed larger in my mind then keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. This discouragement translated into my desperate ongoing plea “Lord send someone more qualified!” I was sure that just about anyone could do a better job than me.

No one new came on the scene and at about year five the loneliness and isolation I felt gave way to desperation. I had finally come to the end of my self. Desperation led me into a place of brokenness.  God finally had my complete attention.  In this place of brokenness my heart softened and the Lord was able to share with me more deeply regarding His heart for our church and for me as its prayer leader. 

You see I had been so busy trying to build the prayer ministry that I hadn’t even realized that a very subtle form of deceptive thinking had crept into my mind. I was operating as if I were in battle with my church for becoming a house of prayer. But after reflection and much prayer I realized that the biggest battle was the one God was in with me.

Unfortunately it took five years of struggle to get me to a point where I could finally see that His priority was to shape me, where-as my priority had been to shape the prayer ministry. He is not as interested in our programs or plans as He is in the business of shaping us to become usable vessels that glorify Him in all that we do. This revelation was a turning point breakthrough for me that brought confession and repentance leading to a significant inward change. I stopped trying to shape the prayer ministry and yielded myself to the trusting hand of the Potter for His shaping (Rom. 9:20-22).

As I welcomed this season in my life I discovered that brokenness in God’s hands becomes an incubator for God to do something new. My faith began to rise and yes, joy did come in the morning as God gave me new eyes to see what He was doing in our church and with me. The Lord kindly showed me how the faithful prayers of the faithful few over the years had tilled and softened the soil of hearts and spiritually prepared us for some things we could not have known or seen with our eyes. This foundation of prayer helped us as a church body to navigate the pain and sorrow of a church split that began to unfold at about year six.

At about year eight I rejoiced as our senior pastor was moved to lay hold of two themes: prayer and leadership. We began to see signs of things we had only dreamed about, like hosting our first ever church-wide prayer conference.

Waiting patiently for spiritual breakthrough is not an easy thing to do in a society like ours where we are accustomed to quick solutions and answers to almost anything as close as a click a way. Paul tells us in Acts 20:24 that his life is worth nothing unless he is doing the work assigned to him. If this is the work that has been assigned to you be encouraged and know that breakthrough will come--though it does not always come in the way we might expect it. “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion” (Phil. 1:6).

--Ginny Kisling is the Western regional director for the Church Prayer Leaders Network. Before joining our team, Ginny was the prayer coordinator for Church of the Chimes in San Jose, California. This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .